a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
