i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just found puke in my bra..
We just shotgunned beers for America
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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