If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
