he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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