I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
