My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize