He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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