I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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