Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
whose parrot is this?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
