I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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