The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
