he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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