Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
