yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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