i already hear my dad disowning me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
