Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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