just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
