I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
