He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
