I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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