hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
