He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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