Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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