Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
