If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
