do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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