You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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