She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
