I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
