Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
