she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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