honey bunches of taint.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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