i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
