Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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