So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
