It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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