Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
