I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
