toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
