I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
