I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize