Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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