dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
