Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
