eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
