Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
