Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
