My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
