I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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