I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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