i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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