I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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