In the future we'll all be gay
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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