I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
