He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize