thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
