I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
