I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
