So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
