Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
