I just cut my nipple shaving
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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