If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
