Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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