I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
