I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
