I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When are your genitals available?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize