Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
