I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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