Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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