bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
