like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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